The "Cabeceo" is a traditional practice in tango used to invite someone to dance in a discreet and respectful manner. It involves a visual exchange between two people at a milonga (understood as the dance space) who wish to dance together.
Some believe it is an old-fashioned practice that should no longer be applied today, but like everything, there can be exceptions, for example, when people are friends and are close by. However, generally, those of us who value the "cabeceo" see it as a very important ritual and do not condemn it due to a gender ideology imposed by current politics.
The "cabeceo" allows for:
- Discretion: as it allows people to accept or decline an invitation without the discomfort of a direct verbal rejection.
- Courtesy: because it maintains mutual respect and harmony in the milonga.
- Efficiency: because it facilitates dance invitations, for example, when we are far apart, without verbal interruptions or people walking through the room, and it prevents someone from feeling pressured to accept an unwanted invitation.
It is not a macho act, as some may think, because a woman can also, in a certain way, "do the cabeceo." I put it in quotes because, in reality, she doesn't initiate the cabeceo but seeks the gaze of the man she wants to dance with, so he proposes a cabeceo, to which she will obviously say yes. And if the man doesn't want to, he will subtly avert his gaze, and she will understand. Therefore, the possibility of inviting and being invited is equivalent.
I like to see the intangible side of things, although I am a very practical person, I always observe the spiritual/metaphysical side to understand what lies beyond and appreciate it more. In this case, the cabeceo, the possibility of connecting through the eyes, is something very powerful. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so that is where the true connection lies. When two people meet each other's gaze and the desire to invite to dance or to respond positively arises, it means there is something there for us—perhaps a lesson or simply the opportunity to dance a beautiful tango.
So remember:
A cabeceo is not just an invitation to dance.
It is two kindred souls
Meeting to CREATE a TANGO
For this reason, try using the cabeceo more often, and you will realize how beautiful it is to dance after having truly, visually connected with the other person.
This is how it was when, in 2006, at the "Niño Bien" milonga in Buenos Aires, Oscar invited me to dance a tanda of Pugliese.
Let's return to the practice, and here I explain the cabeceo process step by step:
1. Visual Contact: The man (although today, it can be anyone who wants to invite to dance) seeks visual contact with a woman (or whoever they want to invite) on the dance floor or in the surroundings.
2. Signal: Once visual contact is established, the man makes a slight head movement (hence the term "cabeceo") to invite the woman to dance.
3. Response: If the woman is interested in dancing, she responds with a smile and an affirmative nod. If she is not interested, she simply averts her gaze.
4. Meeting on the Dance Floor: After acceptance, both approach the dance floor to begin the tanda (a set of three or four songs of the same musical style).
In this video, you can see a cabeceo:
In this video, you can see a cabeceo along with a verbal invitation (for theatrical purposes), but you can more clearly see how to do a cabeceo and respond to it:
Here is a video of a class where, at the beginning of the demonstration, you can see Oscar doing a cabeceo and me walking to meet him:
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